Film Review: The Roommate (2011)

The Roommate is quite possibly the worst excuse for a film that I've seen in quite some time.

I could pretty much end my review of the film there...however, because I've been on this new kind of film appreciation kick inspired by fellow blog writer, Film Crit Hulk...I'll write about the things that I did sort of enjoy from the film.

This shouldn't take long.

I like Minka Kelly. She's really nice to look at...and she attempts to give a decent performance as Sara Mathews...the good girl in the film.

I also like Leighton Meester. Even her name is kinda fun to say. Leighton Meeeeester. She also does fairly well playing Rebecca Evans...the tortured soul in the film.

Billy Zane is fucking hilarious in the film. He plays that mid-life crisis character in search of young poon so well in the form of fashion teacher Professor Roberts. I chuckled every time I saw him on screen. Unfortunately for Mr. Zane, the chuckles were unintentional.

Well, that's all the good that I can say about The Roommate. I ended up watching the film on TV the other day because I left the remote on the other side of the room and I was too lazy to get up. That's the price I pay for my sloth. I won't go into my usual mean-spirited rant about how much I hate a film like this. Instead, I'll point out 5 major flaws (accompanied by hot pics of the lead actresses) in case the film makers of The Roommate happen upon this site and read this review. Film Deviant is here to help.

1. DO NOT CAST CAM GIGANDET IN YOUR FILM. Seriously, the guy cannot act to save his fucking life. You might as well cast a block of wood in the goddamn role. I mean no disrespect to the guy, but have you seen any of his other films? He plays the same fucking guy in every movie. The cocky good looking prick who squints alot and laughs at his own stupid jokes. Maybe one day he'll surprise me in a film and actually pull off a halfway decent performance. For now, though...stay away from Cam Gigawhateverthefuckhisnameis! He's no good.

2. Write a script! Or at least attempt to do so. The Roommate looks like some sort of series of moving pictures stringed together to form a film. However, if you go back into it...you're left not knowing what in the living fuck happened! There's a girl...she's at a club. She gets back to her dorm and meets her new roommate. Her new roommate is a twisted psychopath who obsesses over her friends. The girl finds out that her new roommate obsesses over her and they have some big anti-climactic finale. The girl doesn't like roommates anymore. The End. That was like five sentences that explained the whole movie. We don't know why Rebecca is a psycho. Sara is a hollow protagonist and we only like her character because she is played by Minka Kelly. There's no depth and no real investment in the story. Mainly because the writers didn't give any fucks about writing an intriguing script.

3. Don't remake Single White Female. That film was fine the way that it was. I'm pretty sure absolutely no one was sitting around pining over why Hollywood hasn't remade Single White Female...so, why even attempt to do so? Perhaps I can understand the mentality of putting two of the hottest female actors on Earth in a film about obsessed BFF's...but, the film has absolutely no nudity in it. Which brings me to number four.

4. No nudity. The original had two of the hottest female actors on Earth at the time and managed to squeeze out some great scenes in the unclothed variety...so why no nekkidness in the remake? It would've been worth all the pain and aggravation to sit through a film of this much suckage if we got a glimpse of Minka and Leighton sponge bathing each other in the shower. Or perhaps a nice long scene of the two of them playing naked Connect Four in their dorm room.

5. Make it original. I mean...you shouldn't be remaking films to begin with...but, if you're gonna do so at least make it original. If you look at the recent Mother's Day and I Spit On Your Grave remakes they took some of the more iconic elements in the original films and turned the remakes into something altogether fresh and enjoyable. So, why not do the same here? Maybe place the setting in the Midwest in some meth lab somewhere and make the leads punk rock stripper serial killers or something. I dunno. What I do know is that if you're gonna attempt to retread an established path...you might as well have fun with it and turn it into something completely new and cool.

So, there you have it. Five things that suck about the film. I could probably go on about some of the dumb plot revelations or the poor editing in the film...or maybe even the inept direction of the entire thing. But, I won't...I'm trying very hard not to come across as mean-spirited and hurtful. Instead, I want to help the film makers become better at their chosen craft.

In the end, The Roommate is a film that is completely unnecessary in the worst ways. It has no energy and never attempts to take you anywhere you haven't already gone before. Also...Cam Gigandet sucks at acting. That wasn't mean...was it?

0.5 out of 5

Thanks for reading,